Real Housewives of Rhode Island S1E11

Kia ora, hello and welcome to Anyway! The blog where I unpack the chaos of reality TV.

Today we’re discussing one woman’s quest to believe anything but the truth. Let’s dive into The Real Housewives of Rhode Island Episode 11.

Jo Ellen has road rage as a result of her sit down that went awry with Liz. She’s all, “are you going to let me out, Dickhead.” I get it — I’m prone to road rage on a regular day. She calls Alicia to let her know that it didn’t go great. Liz called her “delusional, fake, disingenuous, disloyal, an awful human being and the fucking devil.” Wooowy wow — Liz is just out here burning bridges. Alicia wants Jo Ellen to know that she did nothing wrong. To me that’s not exactly the case. I think sticking up for Alicia was the right thing to do, but she did get in Liz’s face and kept pushing the issue after Liz warned her to back off. Don’t poke the bear, Jo Ellen.

Over at Rulla’s husband’s practice, she arrives to bring him some goodies and also get her gimpy toe checked out. Apparently she hit it on a vanity and it was like “SEE YA.” I can relate to Rulla in this moment because when I was on vacation in Fiji about four years ago, I somehow managed to kick my own toenail off by, get this, kicking the heel of my other foot — not even a fucking vanity, my own body. Luckily for Rulla her husband is a podiatrist who gave her Novocain and removed her nail because I guess it was still hanging on. Unluckily for me, my husband works in IT, so there was little to no help from his end. In fact, if I remember correctly, I believe his response was “what am I supposed to do about it?” Of course, there really is nothing you can do when you’ve accidentally kicked off your own toenail, except perhaps superglue it back on and pretend like nothing happened. But a little sympathy wouldn’t have gone astray. Anyway, Rulla, feeling blue about her gimpy toe, wants to throw a party because they haven’t thrown one this summer, which I guess is against the rules in Rhode Island. Brian suggests a hookah party. Rulla says, “ohh yeah, we could get that belly dancer,” and Brian is all, “oh her, I totally had forgotten about her! YES! Let’s do that!” Apparently they have an annual pre New Years Eve party, which is a perplexing idea to me. What exactly is the point of a pre New Years Eve party? At that point just call it a party fucking party to celebrate, you know, partying. Brian says he’s going to be like Aladdin. I’d love to know which part of this man’s physical appearance and or personality he thinks is like Aladdin. Perhaps he can relate to Aladdin lying by omission to Jasmine.

Over at Ashley’s house, she’s making tacos for the family for dinner. She says everyone will probably eat them besides Dawson, the toddler. He’ll have mac and cheese. Jared, the barista husband, decides he’ll have mac and cheese too because according to Ashley, “he’s not a picky eater, but he is a basic eater,” which to me are the same thing. He has the palette of a toddler. Also, in my book, tacos are a pretty basic meal, are they not? It’s meat, cheese, bread and veggies, which you can omit if you’re a grown ass toddler. Do we think it’s the vegetables he doesn’t like? Or perhaps they’re quote unquote “too spicey” for him? He’s not basic, he’s bland. Jared is a bland ass bitch. Ashley wants to try new and exciting foods and restaurants. Jared wants to go to the same old place every time. What a barrel of laughs this fucking guy is. He’s also trying to open a can with a knife. I guess he has to get his frustrations out somehow. I’m kind of scared of Jared. He and Ashley don’t seem to have a whole lot in common from what I’m seeing. Apparently the Audrey lease is coming up soon. To Jared there’s pros and cons to keeping it. To anyone watching, it’s pretty obvious that the cons far outweigh the pros. He says, “it sucks to say but the most beneficial thing would be to close it,” and Ashley’s Dad is all, “Fucking DUH, Jared.” Ultimately Jared says he doesn’t want to sell it. News which makes their baby scream — a dark omen for sure. Even that baby knows Audrey’s is a money pit.

Dolores and Liz arrive at the Rhode Island State House. They’re there to see the State Senator and State Representative to talk menopause and the bill that was passed to protect menopausal women in the workplace. Liz and Dolores want to throw a parade. They discuss how important it is for women experiencing menopausal symptoms to be supported by their workplace rather than being forced into early retirement, which I guess the bill protects them from. Respect to that.

Rosie arrives at Alicia’s house in her hideous pink Jeep, along with pink balloons and a huge bouquet of pink flowers, which are also hideous, but a very sweet gesture which Alicia loves. Rosie wants to enlist Celina’s help to decorate plastic ducks for “ducking” other Jeeps, a concept that is completely foreign to me. Rosie tells us that “ducking” is basically just shoving ducks on other Jeeps. Not overly complicated, but I still don’t understand the point. Do people who drive Jeeps love ducks? Are real ducks attracted to Jeeps? Do Jeeps resemble ducks in some type of way? I guess we’ll never know. Alicia tells Rosie that Liz called her, but she screened the call. She doesn’t want to deal with it. She says her family validated her feelings and she doesn’t want to be discredited. They talk about Rulla’s Arabian Nights party and they’re thinking about contracting Rulla’s mystery illness so they don’t have to go.

We then see everyone getting ready and arriving for said party. Ashley and Jared arrive. Ashley feels awkward as fuck seeing Rulla and her husband, knowing that the husband is actively cheating on Rulla. Yeah, to say the least. Alicia is nervous about seeing Liz at the party. She’s putting on her armour to deal with her. Liz is going to be cordial. She says, “I guess the word homeless has different meanings. I believe it can be used in different contexts.” Also, could you possibly just accept that your friend maybe used the wrong word? It’s all semantics at the end of the day. Turns out Jared has to leave the party basically as soon as he’s arrived. He has to run the trivia night at Audrey’s on a Friday night. I’m starting to think Jared is looking for any excuse not to be around his wife. Kelsey and Rosie are still beefing. They want nothing to do with each other, which is kind of funny to me because they’re wearing the exact same head jewellery. These two have more in common than they would care to admit. Alicia and Billy arrive. Alicia is trying her damndest to keep things positive. She’s all, “Rulla you look incredible, beautiful, everything’s stunning, Rosie, gorgeous.” Liz arrives wearing see-through pants, which are a vibe. Everyone looks stunning at this party, truly. Ashley tells us she’s feeling the very clear divide between the ladies — between Rosie and Kelsey and Liz and Alicia. She wants them all to go off on a magic carpet ride and create a whole new world together.

A belly dancer comes out and puts a chandelier on her head. I’m not sure if that’s traditional garb, but it looks kinda dangerous. Anyway, Brian could not give two fucking shits what she has on her head because his eyes are firmly fixed further south. Gross. Alicia heads over to the table where Liz is hanging out. She says, “I don’t hate you, I don’t want to fight, I wasn’t trying to attack you and I was sad.” Liz says she never got a minute to feel compassion because she was tag teamed. She apologises and says she didn’t mean to belittle Alicia. Alicia says she hopes she means it and she will forgive but not forget. Liz says “I love you” and they hug. This is great and all, but the only thing going through my mind is Alicia saying last week that Liz is abusive. As soon as Liz hears or sees that, I think we can kiss that friendship goodbye.

Rich and Bill have success conspiring to get Kelsey and Rosie together to talk. Kelsey says she’s not trying to beat a dead horse, all the while welding a baseball bat. She brings up her joke that was not funny yet again. She apologises for hurting her feelings. Rosie ain’t buying it, but she apologises for her reaction none the less. They both want to “move forward,” which I believe they’ve said to each other upwards of ten times. Rulla, Rosie and Alicia are discussing the girls trip to the Newport Mansion. Rosie says, “you were apart of aaaaaaaaalooooot of conversations.” She asks if Rulla knows about the video. Rosie is the messiest bitch on this cast. I fucking love it. Rulla knows nothing of a video. Alicia is freaking out. Rosie wants Rulla to know what’s in the video. Rosie says it was dated the day before polo. Rulla wants to dispute the date of the video before they even discuss the contents of the video, which I find very interesting. Rosie details what’s in the video — the blonde woman and Brian kissing and hugging. Rulla is pissed that Rosie chose her party, a party to celebrate PARTYING, to tell her about the video. This is a very special occasion Rosie, how dare you!

Rulla has no bandwidth and seemingly no fucks to give when it comes to the video. Brian comes over and joins the conversation. Apparently some time stamp has been changed. I’m not really sure why the time stamp matters so much. Your husband cheated on you, girl. You’re way too successful, smart and beautiful to be with this buffoon. They’re doubling down on the fact that Jo Ellen is like gas station sushi — not to be trusted. Apparently Brian has a bunch of shit on her, but he’s taking the high road. Anyway, they’re deflecting with shots of Fireball, which honestly would work on me. They all cheers to bitches loving summer. Apparently they’re all trauma bonding, which seems super healthy.

Kelsey is at the beach scooping or raking sand. Liz joins her. I guess this is how you clam, but they’re finding nothing. They’re discussing their end of the summer trip to somewhere called Block Island. Apparently Block Island holds a soft spot in Liz’s heart, so Kelsey is hoping this will lend itself to Liz and Jo Ellen repairing their friendship. Over at Jo Ellen’s house, her and her husband are packing for the trip and their daughter is leaving a trail of breadcrumbs, by way of big, colourful plastic toys, back to her bedroom. Tripping hazards everywhere. Jo Ellen is talking to Gary about how awful Liz was to her. Gary asks, “is she the type to say over the top things and then immediately regret it?” Why yes, yes she is Gary, whether that excuses the behaviour is another thing.

Back to Liz and Kelsey on the beach. Kelsey wants to know how Liz is gonna deal with Jo Ellen. Liz is gonna deal with it moment by moment. Jo Ellen wants an apology, which I doubt she will get. Gary agrees with me. Liz doesn’t think she’s wrong. I think ultimately Liz feels gaslit by Jo Ellen. She felt attacked by Jo Ellen, she responded with anger and Jo Ellen says that she’s the one that’s hurt. Liz tells us she’s responding to situations in the moment, but she thinks what Jo Ellen is doing is premeditated.

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

What will happen on Block Island? Is it Block Island or Black Island? I don’t know. In my mind, we’re going to an island that looks like Widow’s Bay, godwilling. Also godwilling it’s as entertaining.

Thanks for reading.
See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya!