Summer House Reunion Part 1

Kia ora, hello and welcome to Anyway! The blog where I unpack the chaos of reality TV.
Let’s get into the Summer House Reunion Part 1.

We open in a testimonial setting in the city. Lindsay is talking to a producer when there’s a knock knock knock on the door. Kyle enters, cue Lindsay doing a dramatic reading of the joint statement. Lindsay says none of this makes sense, this is not what happened. What had happened then, Lindsay?! After that, Jesse and Mia call and they're talking about how fucked up the situation is. Kyle talks about how close he was to West, which I had no idea about. He went to his parent's ranch and they went to Toronto together? No idea what for. Carl calls in and Carl’s a mess, as we all found out. He’s sick. He says you don’t touch women that are married like that. Jesse chimes in with "you also don’t fuck your friend’s wife of ten years." Once again, Lindsay Hubbard’s face says more than we could ever with words. They’re discussing how Ciara is and Mia says she’s in California but wants to catch a red eye so she can check on her. Now that’s a friend. Mia is the friend every good woman deserves. Lindsay wants answers. She wants to know: When. Did. This. Start. Period. Amanda told Kyle it’s been going on for a month, but he’s been told there are blinds about them going back to June 2025, which sounds correct. The familiarity between them over the season is evident. What will Amanda and West say to recover? I guess we’re about to find out.

We see everyone arriving at the reunion and then Amanda and West separately. Cut to KJ, Ben and Carl talking. KJ says he was supposed to go to the baseball game. Again, I can’t remember if it was baseball. Anyway, Carl asks why he didn’t go and KJ says because we aren’t friends anymore, which hurts. West arrives in his and Amanda’s dressing room. They both seem giddy to be honest. I’m definitely not getting remorse, but I guess we already knew we wouldn’t. We see Kyle arrive and then finally Ciara. Apparently West is zen. God willing someone at this reunion will take that feeling away from him. Andy is checking in with Ciara and asks how she is. She says she’s had better days, which is like no shit. Ciara says she feels more betrayed and hurt by Amanda. She wants to know why. Just why. Jesse is talking to Kyle and Ben about the West dick pic, which even the thought of makes me want to vomit. Kyle wants to know how much you have to spread your shit around for it to be sent to him. West is a fame whore. We all know that.

Andy asks how West and Amanda feel about seeing Ciara. Amanda says she feels guilt and that’s her friend. She’s not your friend anymore bitch! You better start that recruitment process! Ciara, Kyle and Mia are talking. Kyle talks about how much he was bottoming out and Ciara starts getting emotional. She apologises to Kyle and says, "I feel like I really misunderstood you this summer." Hindsight is 20/20. We can’t all see everything, especially when some of the people around you are sneaky little fuckheads. Been there. Seven minutes in and I’m already finding it hard to contain my rage. Ciara and Kyle are making promises to each other. They’re not going to get mad or storm off. Kyle isn’t going to touch alcohol and Ciara isn’t going to cry. Andy says to West and Amanda, "you two seem very calm." I would say unusually so given the situation. I’ll have whatever these two are having, thanks.

Everyone starts heading onto the stage. Carl wants Bailey to know she looks great by the way. Kyle tells us his fly is up. He’s celebrating the small wins. Lindsay comes out and Andy is all wah wah wee wah. He wants to know why she’s in a revenge dress. She says, "I’m wearing it on behalf of Kyle." Amanda comes out and everyone is awkward as fuck. West follows and it gets even worse. Ciara comes out and Andy says, "I feel like Jabba the Hutt and you’re like Princess Leia." Andy, please do not bring the beloved Star Wars franchise into this. And if anyone is Jabba the Hutt on that stage, it’s West. He’s always so sweaty and grabby. Amanda asks how West is and he’s not doing too well, which is great. He’s apparently the last to know that his phone was quote-unquote hacked and there’s nudes circulating. Carl made me lol by saying, "we already heard about it this morning." Then Amanda says, "so weird, I’ve never gotten any." EW AMANDA. Fuck off. Your weird ass is seeing the real thing. They’re talking about the hardness, or softness as it were, of his appendage. I already feel nauseous. This is not helping. Andy is sketched the fuck out. Jesse shows the pics to West and Amanda is peeping over his shoulder. What is this woman on, honestly? So creepy.

Kyle isn’t used to not being the biggest problem in the room. He says it’s weird, which says a lot about his past behaviour. For now Kyle is the least of anyone’s concern, but lest we forget. The same thing happened with James Kennedy on seasons 10 and 11 of Vanderpump Rules and then look what happened. Just saying. Andy asks how Amanda is and she starts bumbling on about accountability and wanting to apologise to Ciara and Kyle. Ciara says, "I’m glad you could at least say our names this time," referring to the joint statement, which did not. Amanda seems genuinely perplexed at Ciara’s demeanour, almost like she expected everything to be normal. She’s on another planet. Andy basically says, West, you’re notoriously bad at reunions. How do you think this will all go down? Apparently according to him there’s a lot to be explained. Lindsay does an epic eyeball. Andy asks Carl if he’s still a mess. He confirms he is. I say Carl is a hot mess. I’m usually not overly attracted to Carl but I’m into the colour that he’s wearing. Ben is growing out his hair to look like a full-blown hobbit.

Andy asks when Ciara first suspected something was going on. She says January 17 because she invited Amanda out for drinks and her location was at West’s apartment. Amanda tries to interject and Ciara shuts that shit down so fast. She says, "I’m speaking!" and also tells her to shut the fuck up. I’m living for it. Ciara says to her, "how many times have I asked you to hang out and you act like your phone doesn’t work?" Apparently Amanda had an awakening and now she’s having a reckoning. Kyle is sticking up for Amanda, which is understandable but also fucking annoying. Ciara points out that West isn’t sticking up for her. Correct. The way Amanda rolls her eyes at her supposed friends is demonic behaviour and when she does that, I wish the wind would change and they would get stuck back there.

West would like to teach us all a lesson and say that lying to people you care about is wrong. UHHHH, fucking DUH. Grow up. Ciara says, "you’re a walking lie" and "everything about you is a lie." She then brings up his girlfriend. He says they weren’t exclusive. Not like it matters. No woman matters to this man. Ciara calls Amanda a snake in the grass. She moves silent but she’s deadly. And Amanda is all, "Okay." Carl says the joint statement was a terrible move and that they should have at least apologised to Ciara and Kyle in it. Amanda says, "I did it privately," and Carl rebuts, "then why even put out a statement?" Good work, Carl. Ciara pulls out her phone and Amanda’s stomach drops into her asshole. Ciara is reading out the text messages of Amanda denying everything and all the people want to know why the fuck they’re still lying. Sorry, I should say why the fuck Amanda is still lying because West isn’t saying shit. Amanda accuses us, the public, of being psychos. Coming from you???

Andy asks who made the first move. West did. Apparently February was their first kiss and they first slept together after the statement. The way Amanda is so adamant that everything was PG before they released the statement tells me a different story. The lady doth protest too much, methinks. I find it very difficult to believe that two people who were keeping it PG would release a joint statement about their relationship. Also, I saw someone online rightly point out that one of the reasons they released the statement when they did was because the video of them being intimate was circulating or had been shown to multiple people. Don’t piss on our legs and tell us it’s raining. Anyway, for the first time in his life Kyle Cooke does not want to talk about sex. He’s like, "can we focus please!"

Ciara continues reading her texts from Amanda. Amanda interrupts and says, "I guess I should have just told you I have feelings for someone I’m not supposed to have feelings for." Ciara says at that point you remove yourself. Amanda, like a spoiled little brat, then whines, "so I’m not allowed to pursue something that I feel strongly about?" and Kyle says, "but you said you were still trying to figure it out." Correct. You were just saying you didn’t have strong feelings at that point. Ciara says, "you’re clearly downplaying all of this shit." Bailey says to Mia, "West isn’t saying shit. He’s just letting her get annihilated." Because his weak ass couldn’t put together a coherent thought if he tried. Ciara tells Andy her intentions are to discuss the details of what has transpired and then put them in the ground and cover them with dirt, metaphorically speaking. Andy is putting a pin in the Amanda and West of it all for now. Phew.

Everyone is talking about how amazing Lindsay looks. Carl wants more Hug House. During the break Levi enters the building. She’s here for the "fun" segment. Andy talks about how amazing Ciara’s costumes are. They show us Plague Rat, which I had totally forgotten about. Amazing. Also, Ciara is in one of the new Scary Movie ads featuring Karma Brown’s tits, which is fucking hilarious. I’ve always loved the Wayans brothers' Scary Movie 1 and 2 and I’m so excited to watch the new one. The fact that they did a Summer House/Scary Movie crossover? I’m obsessed. Kyle talks about having cardboard cut-out Lindsay give cardboard cut-out Carl a handjob. West is laughing and looks on top of the world. Amanda? Amanda is in the pits of despair. Standard.

Mia talks about her friendship with Ciara and how she can always depend on her, which is beautiful. She says she’s truly on a journey trying to grieve her mum and also lets us know that she and Scott broke up. She’s looking to celebrate herself right now. We love that. Andy talks about how Bailey said Ben wants to fuck Amanda at dinner. She says, "not from jealousy, it was a joke." Again, a joke everyone was making. The reasoning Bailey gives is that she was being silly and had been in a plant costume for three hours. Now all I can think of is the people dressed as sugarcane plants at the Bad Bunny Super Bowl halftime show.

Fans want to know if Ben has anger issues. Ben turns to Bailey as if she asked the question and basically says, "we hadn’t had one conversation the whole summer before that situation." Bailey isn’t having it. She says, "are you fucking joking?" She then says, "YOU like to reprimand women, that is your problem." Bailey basically says, "you did it to Amanda, me and you do it to Sabrina." Which is correct. That’s the dad energy I’ve talked about in the past. Thank you Bailey. Lindsay says, "I think we unlocked something." You’re damn right we did, Lindsay. Something that smells oddly familiar. Toxic bullshit bred from a God-fearing asshole. Bailey says she thinks ultimately the reason he got so mad is because he and Sabrina were together at that point. Yup. That’s it. That’s the one, Bailey. Andy points out that when Carl got angry later in the season she was turned on. Ben grabs that and runs with it. He’s all, "yeah, what the fuck is that about?" Bailey says, "because he was mad at Kyle for cussing out his wife," not screaming at a woman, you fucking jackass. I was already a fan of Bailey, but she just added points for me. Get ‘em. Loveeeee it.

Carl talks about his relationship with Bailey and how he loves their friendship. Andy wants to know if Bailey took Lindsay’s advice about sending Carl a nude. She did not. Kyle says if she sent him a nude, he opens up Hard Bar, a joke he stole from Lindsay. Meanwhile it looks like West is having an existential crisis with all this talk of nudes. You did that to yourself. Zero sympathy. A show of hands reveals that people ship Bailey and Carl. Jesse says sometimes it’s good to be friends before you start dating. Amanda goes, "that’s crazy," implying that’s what her and West did. Jesse says "sometimes," AKA I’m not talking about you two demons.

Andy talks to KJ about Mia and Ciara being his sisters. They both give him tough love and don’t like all the tattoos and piercings he gets. KJ opens up about his mental health. He says he went to the hospital for self-harm and that Mia and Ciara were there for him every day. He talks about going to recovery and now being medicated for BPD. I appreciate KJ’s vulnerability. He says he’s grateful to be alive and loves the support he’s getting. Ciara talks about how her grandparents' house renovation is going. She’s handing over the reins to her mum, who’s loving it. She says her dad still doesn’t understand why she bought it because he doesn’t see it as an investment property, but the sentimental value obviously outweighs that for Ciara.

Andy wants to know why Ciara ultimately let West back in. She says she doesn’t want everyone to perceive her as having such a hard exterior. Kyle says, "it’s been hardened," which is correct and unfortunately this experience has more than likely hardened her more. Andy talks about the infamous makeout in the last episode and West says something about "ear stuff," which throws me the fuck off and everyone else apparently. What the hell is ear stuff? This man is such a fucking weirdo. Kyle wants to put his tin foil cap on and speculate on whether West is intentionally manipulating everyone around him, including the audience. I’m here to say: you don’t need a tin foil cap for that, Kyle. It’s not a conspiracy. It’s facts.

Ciara wants to know if everything is for a storyline. She says, "you and Amanda seem like the best type of revenge for you." Ben tries to stick up for West and I want to throw rotten tomatoes at him. Shut it, Ben! I couldn’t agree more with Ciara. West has made his bed and now has to lie in it. With Amanda. Hope he’s enjoying her mopey ass energy while they holiday in Rome. The irony of them travelling the day the reunion airs to a place which has an arena that used to host public executions. West seems to think he did nothing to indicate he wanted to pursue a relationship with Ciara, which Ciara says is bullshit. Because West told Ben he had a crush on her. West told Ben that when they were together it was magic. And if rumours are to be believed, him and Ciara were also very close, possibly hooking up, in the winter.

Lindsay wants West to know she’s figured out exactly who he is. He’s a clout chaser. He manipulates women who are higher than him so he can get himself higher and then fucks them right off. Mic drop for Mother Hubbard. Meanwhile Amanda is making all these weird facial expressions, like woe is her. Give us a break, Amanda. Ciara says, "I think this is going to work because the best woman for West is a weak ass bitch who won’t hold him accountable." And that’s totally Amanda. Kyle says to Ciara, "that was harsh." In my mind it’s not harsh enough. Ciara says, "that’s your wife, that’s not my wife." Ohhh how I lolled.

I saw someone on Threads post a picture of Amanda and West in the Harry and Lloyd Dumb and Dumber tuxedos and I just want to personally thank whoever created that because it actually made my day.

Thanks for reading.
See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya!