Summer House S10E16

Kia ora, hello and welcome to Anyway! The blog where I unpack the chaos of reality TV.

Today we got the Summer House Reunion Trailer, and oh boy was it a doozy. We see Lindsay sitting on a couch in front of a green screen, and we hear a noise that sounds like a building is about to fall down. Pretty, pretty dramatic. Kyle enters with the energy of someone who’s been ridden hard and put away wet. He says to Lindsay, “I think you should check your phone.” DUN DUN DUN DUN. Lindsay is gooped, and we hear her reading from the joint statement. Cut to footage of Amanda and West three weeks later arriving at the reunion. We see their name cards on the same dressing room door and West comes in and kisses Amanda. Cue collective projectile vomit from Bravo fans everywhere. We see everyone else getting ready and looking glam.

Back on the green screen couch, Kyle says, “I don’t know what Amanda and West can say to recover.” You know what, Kyle? They could probably start with at least seven apologies. Although it really doesn’t seem like West says anything at all, which is shocking. Not. We move to footage of them on the reunion couches, and Andy asks West and Amanda, “To be clear, are you two in love?” They both look absolutely shell-shocked and West has sweat dripping down his face, which is gross but also good. He should be fucking sweating. West says, “This isn’t like a sex scandal. It was just like hanging out.” To that, Jesse Solomon says, “Why continue to lie?” and Ciara says, “Literally.” Which is facts. If it were innocent, you all wouldn’t be creepy crawling around, would you?

We see Lindsay say, “We’re talking about a guy who shows people he likes them by sitting on them. You know who else does that? Gemma!” She’s all, “You’re a straight-up, tummy-forward toddler, West.” Bailey and Dara are cackling. West gives us his hardest toddler face. He’s just a widdle bebe who doesn’t know anything. Please. Andy asks Mia, “What advice would Rihanna give you today?” She responds, “You’re a bad bitch.” Snaps to that, Mia. Ciara agrees. Also, I’m loving the red in Ciara’s hair. She looks gorge, as per usual.

Jesse is telling Carl that Lindsay looks like Cruella De Vil. Carl is all, “Yeah, it looks good. Incredible, honestly.” He wants Lindsay to put her weight on him, for sure. Andy says to KJ, “You called Ciara and Mia your sisters for life. Which one is giving tough love and which one is letting you get away with everything?” The girls answer him by collectively saying, “Neither one of us.” Big sisters don’t let you get away with shit. I know that for a fact. Jesse is in tears, which we hate to see. He says, “I feel like I’m losing a brother.” Clearly he’s in pain, but honestly, losing West will ultimately be a good thing for Jesse, I believe. Who needs liars surrounding them?

Jesse says, “I hope that somehow you can improve and prove us wrong, but it doesn’t look good.” West is still trying his damndest to look like a widdle toddler. He’s biting his lips because the word accountability means nothing to him. Kyle says to West, “I thought I knew you, man, and I’ve been going back and forth between concerned and betrayed.” I honestly have no idea why Kyle would be concerned about West. Amanda, yes. West, no. Amanda is living in delulu land. She says, “And no one in this world has ever been in this situation before,” in a sarcastic manner. Lindsay says, “In high school maybe.” Quite frankly, I don’t remember any scandals like this, and I went to a pretty fucked-up high school.

Mia wants to know if “we,” meaning Amanda and West, “are morally bankrupt?” The answer is yes. Yes, they are. Amanda is all, “Got it.” The snark is doing her zero favours. Where’s the humility? Ciara says to Amanda, “For the past six years I have been your champion. I couldn’t fathom that I would be sitting here pissed that you’re fucking my ex.” Amanda rolls her eyes and I want to punch my screen. Ciara continues, “He wants to embarrass me, he wants to get his last little word, and I hope it works, because he’s with you to spite me.” Which is so on point it’s not even funny. She clocked it right then and there. Amanda’s desperate pick-me persona was bamboozled by West’s revenge for Ciara. Disgusting. IN THE BIN!

Amanda runs off crying and West just sits there with that stupid look on his face. Hello, is this all computing, West? Mia asks, “West, are you gonna go after her?” Ciara says, “You should go after your girl.” Lindsay yells, “Get up and go after her, West. Be a fucking man.” You blew up your life for this. What the fuck are you doing just sitting there like a dummy? Kyle says, “This is so fucking weird.” It sure fucking is, Kyle. I think we can all agree that West is a slam pig.

Anyway, let’s get into the season finale, Summer House Episode 16. In this moment, I am so glad I never have to hear West say “how could I not” ever again. We’re back to the après-ski party, and everyone is shaking their ass on the dance floor. Kyle couldn’t be happier that Ben’s pecker sparked the bromance of the century. I also saw on Threads that Kyle reposted a picture of when him and Ben were embracing and everyone thought they were going to kiss, but it had been turned into a romantic film poster called something like The Summer of Us. Truly hilarious. I appreciate a man who can laugh at himself.

We see that Amanda has taken off her Stay Puft costume because everyone else is dressed as an adorable snow bunny and her inner pick-me was screaming. West is still in his about-the-house pants and doing the weirdest fucking dance moves. His dancing really grosses me out. Ciara and Kyle sit down for a chat. Kyle says this is Ciara’s best party yet, and honestly, it looks legit. There’s an ice luge for shots. Ciara is telling Kyle that his actions make it hard to be his friend. She’s concerned for him and Amanda.

Lindsay pulls Carl for a chat. She tells us she buried a lot of her feelings and Sharon, Carl’s mum, resurrected those feelings at the Soft Bar opening. She needs closure. They head into one of the igloos. Meanwhile, Lindsay shades him for fainting the night before he proposed to her. Hilarious, but also don’t drink too much Red Bull, kids. Lindsay says the last few days have been a lot, and Carl thanks her for helping to diffuse the situation between him and Kyle. She mentions that the interaction she had with Sharon made her uncomfortable. We find out that Sharon was down in Mexico throwing a fucking party on the weekend they would’ve had their wedding there, with Scheana Shay of all people. It must have been all happening that night, you guys. What the hell? I had no idea about this. Why was Scheana there?

Lindsay says that was a slap in the face, and she was waiting for Carl to speak on it, but he never did. Not only were they engaged, but they had been best friends for eight years. Lindsay wants to know how he could’ve treated her like that, which is fair enough. Amanda tries to shade Lindsay’s bunny ears. You know what, Amanda? You looked like a giant fucking marshmallow two seconds ago. SHUT IT. Carl says he can totally understand and it pains him. He says it’s fucked up. He gets teary-eyed thinking back over the past summer and how him and Lindsay have been able to have a few laughs. He says he didn’t handle the situation well at all and that Lindsay has helped him in a lot of ways in his life.

He’s showing vulnerability and emotion the way a grown man should. We love someone who can show growth. I would tell West to write this down, but we all know he won’t. Carl says, “I can’t believe it took two years and you to be like, ‘Hey dude, WTF?’” Lindsay says, “I have to do that a lot around here.” All I can think is: prepare yourself to be doing that a whole lot more because West needs someone to crack the fucking whip on him. I’m so here for the reunification of Hubb House.

Levi shares her five seconds of screen time with a shot ski. Sabrina Belle and Ben dolled themselves all up for his big “I love you” scene. Too bad for them it’s reduced down to a few seconds. I’m not gonna lie, they creep me out a little. We see Ciara and Sabrina talking about said “I love you,” but also too bad for Sabrina, someone’s head is completely blocking her on camera, so she doesn’t even get five seconds of screen time.

Over on the ski slope, West is talking to Ben, saying, “Please don’t let Sabrina make me and Ciara date each other.” Uhhhhh, you’re not being controlled by anyone but your damn self. West is saying, “I think we always liked each other,” and that he “fucked her shit up when he tried to date her casually.” To which I ask: did Ciara know you were trying to date her casually? If that is the case, I don’t remember ever seeing a conversation between them saying that. Apparently it’s super fucking hard for West to have natural chemistry with someone. I don’t know. I’m getting word salad from him.

He says, “I’m not trying to portray that I am a boyfriend.” I think you’ve made that loud and fucking clear. I’m not sure anyone since that period with Ciara sees you as one. Hello, Amanda! Are you listening to this shit? He ain’t trying to portray himself as your boyfriend either. Kyle is feeling like shit because he’s been trying to talk to Amanda. He thinks he’s ruined the summer. He’s hoping pizza will fill that empty hole inside of him. It won’t, Kyle, but you know what? It’s still fucking delicious.

One of my favourite things to do while watching a Summer House party is to see what all the peripheral guests are doing, what facial expressions they’re making and whether they’re fucking wasted. A lot of these people look wasted or underwhelmed. Weird mix. Ciara, Amanda and Mia are sitting down to eat chicken wings and chat, and Amanda says, “I’m gonna do something crazy,” and I think to myself, is she gonna put some mascara on? No. She’s going to deep-throat a chicken wing. Again, I feel physically sick. She also put it back in the box. There’s three people eating those. Gross.

Amanda is confiding in Ciara and Mia, saying she doesn’t feel like enough, and they’re all, “Shut the fuck up. You’re off your rocker.” Ciara says, “If you need me to help you move out, I’ll do it,” the way any loyal friend would. Kyle again tries to approach Amanda, but she’s still NOPE. He starts crying in his confessional and I feel bad, even though he can be a complete piece of shit.

The people all jump in the pool to celebrate the end of summer. Then they all go get ready to go out. Next minute, we’re hearing mysterious music and we see a timestamp of 4:58 a.m. We hear Ciara laugh and then see Sabrina, Ben, Ciara and West sitting outside. Ciara and West are looking super fucking cosy on the couch together and I want to scream. They kiss and I want to double scream. They head off to bed and Ciara and West are hugging and kissing in West and Jesse’s room. Jesse is fully perplexed, along with the rest of us.

Jesse says, “Imagine being Kyle Cooke and coming back to your wife at six in the morning.” West responds, “She wants you dead.” He’s trolling everyone at this point. Go back to the bridge you reside under, West. The next morning everyone is feeling rough. Ciara tells Mia there may have been some type of kiss between her and West. Mia is about to throw her glasses at the wall. She says, “You were a shell of yourself when you and West broke up,” which obviously means Ciara thought that West was her boyfriend, so he did not make it clear to her they were casual.

These women deserve men who will say, “I love you and only you,” with their full chest, not gross little troll toddlers running around sticking their dick in anything that moves. UGH. Mia hates the fact that she gets along with West. She doesn’t wanna like him because of what he did. At breakfast, Kyle tells West that he looks fresh when he looks the absolute opposite. Perhaps he meant it in an ironic way. Mia says, “Who ordered breakfast?” and Amanda says, “Carl did.” Kyle still reigns supreme as the king of breakfast. What a good man.

They’re all packing to head back to the city, and West is saying goodbye to Lindsay. He then has yet another weirdly long hug with Amanda, but when Lindsay says, “Ohh no, Ciara,” he quickly jumps away as fast as he can. Did anyone else clock that? Ciara is crying. Everyone is sad, for different reasons, clearly. We see Ciara hug Amanda tightly. She tells Amanda, “I love you, you’re special and you’re so beautiful, you’re important and your voice matters.” And I’m fucking crying at this point. What the fuck were you thinking, Amanda, letting a friend like that go? The way I would ditch West so fucking hard.

Kyle and Amanda sit down to talk outside before leaving. Kyle feels sick to his stomach. Amanda talks about how Kyle’s behaviour scares her sometimes. She says, “I want to close the chapter of this last ten years and start over.” She wants time apart. Kyle says he feels like everything is crumbling. He feels like he’s gonna throw up. They hug and leave the house separately. Bye-bye Amanda and Kyle.

It’s pretty evident they needed to break up, regardless of what Amanda was doing with West at the time.

Thanks for reading.
See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya!